Getting to know lexapro

finally called Doc J, yesterday afternoon. She told me she thought the shakiness was probably more from the xanax than lexapro, but it had started before I took the xanax. She urged me to try to get past the side effects of lexapro, as they should subside in a few days. I was feeling really nauseous as well as very hungry, but no food sounded "good" and I know my blood sugar was getting low, so I became even more anxious about needing to eat, but not wanting to. She suggested that I not take a lexapro today and give my system a bit more time to adjust to it. That lifted my mood a tiny bit, gave me some relief from that particular anxiety.

Earlier, a girlfriend emailed me to urge me to talk with my doc as she had had terrible side effects from lexapro and didn't get hold of her doc right away thinking it was just her being weak or whatever; so, she tried to stick it out and things got worse as well as her doc went out of town that week. She felt better about me knowing I'd spoken with my doc. If I am not doing well with it by Monday, we will do something else. My Rog may take most of next week off, so I guess it would be a good week for more experimentation, though I would really like for the lexapro to work...I don't like mixing up new "cocktails." With the coumadin and heart meds I am on, we've reached a happy medium...it is scary to mess around with it. My system has always been hyper-sensitive; now, it seems even more so...the slightest change can have a fairly major effect.

So, no lexapro since yesterday morning, yet I felt it, still, this morning. I woke up angry, really, really angry. My thoughts were scattered; I didn't know what I might do; it scared me, not as in kill myself. I have never felt suicidal not in all of my life, but as in get in the car and drive when I shouldn't because of the shakiness, etc. I told Rog. I begged him to stay home with me; I told him I was afraid to be alone. He stayed until 9am, after fixing me breakfast, listening to me, talking with me, and asking me to please be well as he had to go in for a couple of hours at least.

So...here I am...it's been 1.5hrs since he left. I have managed to speak with my daughter when she called. (I will not have my grandson this afternoon, which is good, even though I miss him.) I have washed my hair...a major accomplishment! And, even more major, I spoke, coherently, with a woman from hospice who got my message about wanting to play my dulcimer there. We have set up an appt. for the 30th for me to go in to meet her and another volunteer coordinator so they can hear me play, then they will set me up with a schedule to go play for the patients. Phew! That's big scary, but GOOD scary as I know it will help me and I will love helping anyone who might need a bit of respite. I've been completely upfront with them about where I am coming from and why I want to be doing this for myself as much as for them. I thought that sounded a little selfish, but they seemed to completely understand. This feels like an incredibly HUGE step out into the community. We've lived here seven and a half years now; granted I was mostly an invalid for the first few, but it's still been a long time away from folks.

And, now, my Siamese, Kipling, who never in his life has climbed up onto my desk, has just, for the second time in two days, crept very carefully over to the pad in front of my keyboard and lied down on it, right in front so that it is difficult for me to type and I cannot reach the track ball. Yesterday, he very carefully nested right over the track ball like a biddy hen! I guess he wants me to stop, so that's all for now. Thanks for listening!