On the Lexapro Trail

I can tell the effects of the lexapro have lessened. As the morning went by, I felt better, but still too shaky to drive, so Rog came home for lunch then took me to the coumadin clinic. Good news on that. My INR is right in the center of where we want it, so all of the meds increased, decreased, and added in have not mucked that up, thank goodness!

I fell asleep for a short time on the ride home. When I got in the house I saw my son-in-law had called just after M was to be picked up at school. I thought "Oh, no, my daughter must've been mixed up and we were supposed to get him." So, I didn't listen to any messages, I just called my s-i-l and asked if we'd messed up. He was nice and said that M had called to see if he could come over for a short while. So, M came over and we played Monopoly until we both almost fell asleep. It is too warm in the house, the sunshine was making us sleepy, and the little water fountain sounding like a small brook in the living room also made us sleepy, so I sent him home and came to catch up, here, before I tottle off for a nap with my fur-persons. They've both let me know it's naptime!

I spoke with the nurse who reassured me DocJ will be in on Monday if this isn't working with the lexapro. I spoke with the pharmacist who agreed with me that taking it at night might help with not noticing the side effects as much. He also said it is one of the easier drugs out there with less side effects. He said it is the old prozac with some of the old "bugs" worked out of it and that most people tolerate it well.

I have to decide what to do...if I try more of it this weekend, or wait until Rog is off next week. He may have to go on the mountain, tomorrow, if the new equipment comes in. If he does, I will want to go with him, but not if I feel the way I did last night and this morning. On the other hand, I would feel a lot happier being with him, rather than alone and anxious as most days have been. We won't know if the equipment will be here until about 1030a, so if I take it tonight, maybe the worst of the effects will have dissipated by then. If I don't take it, then I am faced with taking it tomorrow morning and having the effects hit me, if they are going to, in the middle of while we're on the mountain, away from all comforts except Rog (a major one!) and his truck (warm!) and cellphones. I think, after I talk with him about it, I will probably take one, tonight, and let the chips fall where they may. I want to make things as easy as possible for him, if he has to work tomorrow, but we both want me to get better. Personally, I am giving thanks the new equipment doesn't get here until Monday and he won't have to go any where!

Thanks for listening!

How did I get here. Funny you should ask!

Sometimes it takes a really good friend, someone we really trust, to smack us upside the head and wake us up. I've been moping for over six months from having pneumonia and subsequent side effects from various medicines, etc. My girlfriend pointed out to me, once again, how much time I had been spending on thinking and talking about my doctors, medicines, health or what I saw as lack of health. I knew I was on a vicious cycle, but kept looking outside of myself for answers for what to do about it. JR, my friend, was very firm with me as we talked on the phone last night. I have been feeling much anxiety and some depression, esp. lately. First we realised the anxiety could be caused by the albuteral I no longer needed but was using at night and during the day to calm down my breathing. My lungs were declared fine months ago by all the docs. I was declared well and good months ago. So...what JR helped me with was remembering what I've always known: I AM NOT MY THINKING. My Higher Consciousness recognises that broken thinking, i.e. OLD thinking is FALSE, is BROKEN and had been dominating my life. Every time a little thing would happen, a sleepless night, a hangnail, a slight cough, a sore toe, my mind would immediately take off on a tangent, building it up into far realms of doctors visits, dire pronouncements, medicines, and even, surgery! I didn't get to that state overnight, to be sure. I have had legitimate and major health issues and I think (there's that word, again!) I have had some post surgical, post pneumonia stress disorder, but my Higher Consciousness tells me the Truth, that I am able, well, and need have no fear. That "Right here, Right Now, All is Well, and I am Safe and Sound." That's living in the Now, for me. But, even that has not been enough, lately. So, when I asked JR what to do and after we agreed it would have to come from within, she advised me to write down the thinking and to remember I AM NOT MY THINKING. More in the next post.