Give Yourself to Love

The past weekend, I have had an "earbug"...the chorus of Kate Wolf's song, "Give Yourself to Love." I didn't know the whole chorus and I missed a couple of small words, but the message came through gently and insistent, I must "Give yourself to Love, Love is What You're After, Give Yourself to Love." As I said, I missed a few, but it worked for me. Here is the full chorus:

You must give yourself to love
If love is what you're after
Open up your hearts, to the tears and laughter
And give yourself to love, give yourself to love

As you can see there is no "IF" about it for me. I feel it is imperative that I MUST turn towards the Love in my life as well as take the medicines, etc. In fact, I feel the zoloft is working, a fog is lifting and has enabled me to HEAR the message of the song. Quite some synergy there. Now, if I can get motivated to exercise my body which is desperately asking to be moved and stretched, I will feel all parts of me are being treated. I hope the zoloft will help with that motivation. I think it will based on this past weekend.

We were to run a few errands on Sat. then take the rest of the day to relax as Rog had to work on Friday and I went with him for part of the day. When we got home from getting groceries, I couldn't sit still, lie down or anything else of inaction. My mind rebelled; I could not face another day of doing nothing! So, I asked Rog to help me. I emptied my grandmother's trunk; made a pile of stuff to send my daughter back East and a pile to put elsewhere. The trunk was empty and I had a mirror which needed to go to Morgan. So I called my daughter and she had her husband come over to get them both. That's the first decluttering thing I have done in months and months, it seems, major one, at least. It is something I've been meaning to do for ages. By then, I was tired, it was later in the afternoon, so I stopped. No panic or anxiety for the day AND able to get something major done. Well, well...and all the while I was hearing "Give yourself to love, love is what you're after..." and, that brings to mind another singer/songwriter, Woody Guthrie, who spoke no truer words when he wrote Love is the only God I'll ever believe in...I'd post the whole thing here, but it's a copyrighted piece. Please do follow the link and read the entire piece. It is quite profound in my opinion and Love is what I am after...in all things...a focus on the positives in my life.

Cautiously Optimistic aka Possible, For Sure, Maybe?!

A glimmer of hope has come my way, finally. It seems the zoloft may be kicking in. For the first time in months I actually *felt* like doing something. I didn't do it because I had to or to suit others, etc. I did it because I mentally felt like doing it. I went through one old trunk, emptied it to give to my daughter. Consolidated some of what I took out into another one which was almost full. What is left out is my other daughter's artwork from years ago; it will all go to her as part of her Christmas present. We now need something at the foot of our bed, a table or bench, but we'll find one in good time. For now, we have an armchair there holding the ubiquitous laundry basket full of clean clothes which never seem to get put away.

This morning, apparently, I needed to sleep more. We had to go run a couple of errands after breakfast, so off we went. I fell asleep. Rog, bless his heart, knows I get my best sleep in the car, have done for years, but only if he's the one driving. Anyway, he took me up on our usual Sunday loop, up on the palisades (bluffs) among the peach, apple, pear, and cherry orchards. It is high above the Colorado river and I feel better when we get up above the valley, so I usually stay awake to watch, but I have no memory of this morning's ride except that the sleep felt really good and the dog was very happy. He loves his rides, too.

Anyway, my eyes are sore, really tired, but my mind is slightly clearer. It feels as though a fog is lifting in tatters, here and there, from my mind. I had to stop with Rog's reminder that I need to keep things in balance. I have a tendency to go great guns when I feel better; beyond what I should do, then I crash. Not this time, though...I stopped, then we went for a bit. This evening, I have felt a little let down, energy-wise, but no anxiety, no lethargy, no panic, no xanax...bless me, god/dess and wake me up and thanks!