Over a month since last I posted. My apologies. It has been interesting. Christmas went better than I expected as our daughter will not allow our son to be around her or her family, plus her in-laws came down for the day. We went to her house, before they for there, to see M-the grandson open his presents and have breakfast. We then went back to our house for an early dinner with my brother. My Rog made the whole meal except for pies. I actually got it together enough to make my famous pumpkin pies and they turned out pretty good. Later that afternoon, we went to our son's house and had a really good time with him and his partner and her 8 year old son as well as her mom who was visiting (I wish she lived here!)
After Christmas went pretty well, too. I had a red letter day in there somewhere...the first day I drove myself somewhere since starting on the meds. That felt good.
I continue to have the odd attack now and then; not sure why, but xanax is still helping, though not at night. It has lost its efficacy in helping me to sleep, so I've a call into my new doc for advice.
We upped the zoloft to 75mg last week and to 100mg as of today. I hope I start feeling more effects from it. At the moment, I have a hard time getting motivated to do anything except sit at the computer or go lie down. I had a bug, or something I ate didn't sit well over the weekend, so I know I feel worn out from that and still feel a little under the weather, but I also feel a deep concern that I am not getting out of the house on my own. My Rog says the weather doesn't help as well. It's been cold for weeks with snow on the ground still and the thought of packing around an oxygen bottle which is heavy makes me feel defeated before I even step out the door.
I had one session with the therapist after Christmas; the one just before was cancelled as he was called out for emergency response for the thirty people the hospital told would lose their jobs after the 1st of January. It put things into perspective when I was disappointed about not seeing him to prepare for Christmas day family stuff, but then it's all relative. (No pun intended.:-)
The last session felt more like meeting a good friend for coffee...a kind of mutual admiration society. He told me his wife loved the necklace I made for her and that I had inspired him to the point that he went home and made jewellery for all of his family members. I really like him, but we didn't talk about what I think I need help working on, etc. I have a call into him, today, to talk with him about it. I have the names of two other therapists I may see instead. I want some real help with what is causing the depression and anxiety. I do have three books to check out, recommended to me by a therapist friend, one of which is a workbook which I think will be very helpful.
Sorry if this feels like a downer of an update. I still am better than I was and I am going to try not to give the negative so much "press" time as I do believe we attract with our words. So, some good news...I was able to mentally get myself to do about 12 minutes of qi gong this morning AND wash my hair. I have washed my hair every day of my life with few exceptions. Since this all started, it's been once or twice a week. For awhile I thought it was just that my scalp and hair had less oil and I could tolerate it better. Now, I see it as one more sign of depression, so getting it washed first thing in the morning is a good thing.
As ever, thanks for listening!
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