Amongst the strife and challenges, I am finally to the point where I can muster a bit of energy for spiritual work. I recently found a version of the following which I wrote around 1989. I am going to use it for a guide to get me started.
Giving Thanks Meditation – circa 1989
(personal names have been removed)
I start by seeing a candle flame burning steadily within the very centre of my heart. I feel the warmth of it bathing my heart and body. As I watch, it grows spilling into the rest of my body until I am diffused with Light. There is a great feeling of relief and happiness as I let the Light spread through my body. My shoulders drop; my hands are relaxed in my lap, my eyes closed. As the Light grows within me, I become surrounded by a sphere of the same Light without. With my fingertips and toes tingling with the radiating warm glow of Cosmic energy, I become a sphere of Light, moving, walking, breathing, driving, talking and sleeping within this ball of Cosmic Light.
I turn to greet the members of my family starting with my household. I reach out to each one; reaching out, our hands touch and they receive the Light which fills them until their sphere is fused with mine, so that we are encompassed within two, interlinked balls of Light. I travel on with them, two Light beings, full of joy, happiness, health, and boundless energy. Each member of our family is thus greeted and brought into the Circle of Light, travelling on to greet the next until we are one large circle of family: (List names of those included;) with luminous eyes and radiant smiles we greet each other with much hugging, exclamations of joy and kisses of love. We are full of love, joy, and peace.
As I move on, I stop by the homes of friends to leave them their sphere of Light to heal, protect, and love. Wherever we go on our daily journeys, we each carry that Light with us touching those around us, passing on the Light until our entire world becomes filled with Light, joy, and peace.
I then come back to the circle of family and bring each family pet to the centre. I see them arranged on a carpeted circle of steps, with my beloved, now-passed on (insert name) at the top. (Continue with listing as many as you wish to include.) Each of them radiates with that special unconditional love for which we all love them so much. They all glow with health and Cosmic Love within our circle of Light where we dance with joy, clasping each other’s hands in Love. Here, too, I greet with longing and peace, those humans and animals who have passed on: (list here.)
Once I have seen us join in the circle, I come back to my house and begin to see it filled with Light. I visualize a giant can filled with Light being poured out over the roof of my house, coating it as a painter coats a wall. I see this Light becoming a river flowing from my house to include the whole neighbourhood, then the town, then the state and then the continent, spreading, spreading Light to every corner, leaving no trace of the darkness of anger, fear, and hatred, the whole of our planet becomes encircled with Light, until I also see another giant can upended over our Mother Earth, spilling its contents labelled Love, Joy, and Peace into every house, hovel, building, cave, tree, rock, stream, grass, four-legged animal, winged creature and water being of our beloved home planet; dispelling all strife, disharmony, fear, and anger; bringing Peace Profound to all it touches; being spread by all it touches, just as a flowing river overflows its banks, linking all it touches with its cool, damp, life-giving force. I travel out into the Universe, light as a feather, a ball of Light energy, moving with ease, with no visible distance or time, viewing Earth from above, an Earth encircled and bathed in a bright, healing Light; truly a global village of Light beings, radiating Peace and Goodwill to the entire Universe. So mote it be!
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
Semi-downer Update
Over a month since last I posted. My apologies. It has been interesting. Christmas went better than I expected as our daughter will not allow our son to be around her or her family, plus her in-laws came down for the day. We went to her house, before they for there, to see M-the grandson open his presents and have breakfast. We then went back to our house for an early dinner with my brother. My Rog made the whole meal except for pies. I actually got it together enough to make my famous pumpkin pies and they turned out pretty good. Later that afternoon, we went to our son's house and had a really good time with him and his partner and her 8 year old son as well as her mom who was visiting (I wish she lived here!)
After Christmas went pretty well, too. I had a red letter day in there somewhere...the first day I drove myself somewhere since starting on the meds. That felt good.
I continue to have the odd attack now and then; not sure why, but xanax is still helping, though not at night. It has lost its efficacy in helping me to sleep, so I've a call into my new doc for advice.
We upped the zoloft to 75mg last week and to 100mg as of today. I hope I start feeling more effects from it. At the moment, I have a hard time getting motivated to do anything except sit at the computer or go lie down. I had a bug, or something I ate didn't sit well over the weekend, so I know I feel worn out from that and still feel a little under the weather, but I also feel a deep concern that I am not getting out of the house on my own. My Rog says the weather doesn't help as well. It's been cold for weeks with snow on the ground still and the thought of packing around an oxygen bottle which is heavy makes me feel defeated before I even step out the door.
I had one session with the therapist after Christmas; the one just before was cancelled as he was called out for emergency response for the thirty people the hospital told would lose their jobs after the 1st of January. It put things into perspective when I was disappointed about not seeing him to prepare for Christmas day family stuff, but then it's all relative. (No pun intended.:-)
The last session felt more like meeting a good friend for coffee...a kind of mutual admiration society. He told me his wife loved the necklace I made for her and that I had inspired him to the point that he went home and made jewellery for all of his family members. I really like him, but we didn't talk about what I think I need help working on, etc. I have a call into him, today, to talk with him about it. I have the names of two other therapists I may see instead. I want some real help with what is causing the depression and anxiety. I do have three books to check out, recommended to me by a therapist friend, one of which is a workbook which I think will be very helpful.
Sorry if this feels like a downer of an update. I still am better than I was and I am going to try not to give the negative so much "press" time as I do believe we attract with our words. So, some good news...I was able to mentally get myself to do about 12 minutes of qi gong this morning AND wash my hair. I have washed my hair every day of my life with few exceptions. Since this all started, it's been once or twice a week. For awhile I thought it was just that my scalp and hair had less oil and I could tolerate it better. Now, I see it as one more sign of depression, so getting it washed first thing in the morning is a good thing.
As ever, thanks for listening!
After Christmas went pretty well, too. I had a red letter day in there somewhere...the first day I drove myself somewhere since starting on the meds. That felt good.
I continue to have the odd attack now and then; not sure why, but xanax is still helping, though not at night. It has lost its efficacy in helping me to sleep, so I've a call into my new doc for advice.
We upped the zoloft to 75mg last week and to 100mg as of today. I hope I start feeling more effects from it. At the moment, I have a hard time getting motivated to do anything except sit at the computer or go lie down. I had a bug, or something I ate didn't sit well over the weekend, so I know I feel worn out from that and still feel a little under the weather, but I also feel a deep concern that I am not getting out of the house on my own. My Rog says the weather doesn't help as well. It's been cold for weeks with snow on the ground still and the thought of packing around an oxygen bottle which is heavy makes me feel defeated before I even step out the door.
I had one session with the therapist after Christmas; the one just before was cancelled as he was called out for emergency response for the thirty people the hospital told would lose their jobs after the 1st of January. It put things into perspective when I was disappointed about not seeing him to prepare for Christmas day family stuff, but then it's all relative. (No pun intended.:-)
The last session felt more like meeting a good friend for coffee...a kind of mutual admiration society. He told me his wife loved the necklace I made for her and that I had inspired him to the point that he went home and made jewellery for all of his family members. I really like him, but we didn't talk about what I think I need help working on, etc. I have a call into him, today, to talk with him about it. I have the names of two other therapists I may see instead. I want some real help with what is causing the depression and anxiety. I do have three books to check out, recommended to me by a therapist friend, one of which is a workbook which I think will be very helpful.
Sorry if this feels like a downer of an update. I still am better than I was and I am going to try not to give the negative so much "press" time as I do believe we attract with our words. So, some good news...I was able to mentally get myself to do about 12 minutes of qi gong this morning AND wash my hair. I have washed my hair every day of my life with few exceptions. Since this all started, it's been once or twice a week. For awhile I thought it was just that my scalp and hair had less oil and I could tolerate it better. Now, I see it as one more sign of depression, so getting it washed first thing in the morning is a good thing.
As ever, thanks for listening!
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